i think... we're actually pulling this off.

here we are, 30 years old with 4 kids under the age of 8. both last night and tonight, we spent several hours in the back yard, hunting worms, chasing toads, caroming about the bounce house, and doing some hardcore chilling on the back porch, watching the sun set. we got all 4 dickheads bathed, teeth brushed, books read, homework done... after helping us clean up the toys in the living room, the twits were in bed at 8:30, trogdor at 9, and evilgremlin at 9:30. no whining, no yelling, no kids in our bed, no problems, just 4 happy kids, and a couple of hours to ourselves. (okay, i know that many of you don't see kids in your bed as a problem... i'm old-school on this one. i like having a place where i can, for example, be naked with impunity, or watch movies like "tenacious D and the pick of destiny" without worrying about lines such as "i'm going to come in your ear-pussy!" being repeated to me over the phone the next morning by an indignant first-grade teacher.) surprisingly, it's like that 9 nights out of 10. and we sure as hell didn't hit the genetic lottery jackpot with a bunch of calm, naturally obedient children, which means we're superhero parenting geniuses. it's good to live in a small town, it's good to have a big yard full of noisy, dirty boys, and most of all it's good to have the sense to not get stressed out about the stupid shit that can leave some people sighing in exasperation for most of their miserable waking hours. we rock.

gone fishin...

sometimes, you just have to play hooky from school on a friday and go fishing with your spongebob zebcos (with plankton bobbers!). bad parents, you say? fuck you. it was 4/20. we had to do SOMETHING degenerate.

road trip

okay, living in big cities blows, as far as i'm concerned. you waste hours of your life every week in a car, you either live in a shithole or spend a ridiculous portion of your income on decent housing, and any basic leisure activity involves crowds of sardine-sheeple. fuck that.

denver at least has one awesome thing going for it... it's close to tons of awesome fishing on all sides. we spent 5 days in denver.

thursday, west:



saturday, north:



sunday, south:



okay, you may have noticed by now that "east of denver" was not included. so i exaggerated when i said there was good fishing in EVERY direction; east of denver lie only sterile, nasty, un-fishy things like tumbleweeds. and kansas.

*all time not spent fishing was spent at one of the following brewpubs:
flying dog
breckenridge
rock bottom
wynkoop
avery

but we didn't just fish and drink. we hung out with our buds, nodamnsense in denver:



and slutmonkey for three days in minnesota:



for your own peace of mind, it's really best that you don't ask too many questions about the above picture. yes, those ar e acrylic paints and canvases. yes, it is between midnight and 6 AM. and yes, that is underwear on positiverolemodel's head. no, it's not his. or mine.

also, we spent two days in our soon-to-be new home of iowa city, IA. you would think that the best part of the trip would be that we bought a gorgeous house that is 40% larger than our current house. actually, the best part was finding that iowa city has an honest-to-god brewpub, old capitol brew works. just one, but that beats the shit out of our current home, which is surprisingly uncool for being a large college town. unfortunately, 85% of the undergraduates here are sheltered yuppie scum from the chicago suburbs, good little republican larvae all, whose entertainment demands created a fasinating local market where one can choose from dozens of smokey bars playing shitty caucasian dance music while drinking $12 martinis.

the other 4 days of the two week vacation were spent driving. you might think this would suck, but it didn't. prm and i pretty much spent the entire trip running our mouths and laughing our asses off, with the occasional stop to play with trogdor or trash a hotel room.

trogdor has now visited more states than any of his older brothers. he has also hung out at more brewpubs. and seen more sketchy truck stops. now, i'm all for breastfeeding whenever and wherever without shame... but i've recently discovered that there are places on this planet where i wouldn't whip out a boobie if my kid's life depended on it. seriously. when heroin-addled one-eyed truckdrivers are skittering aimlessly about the pavement in a miasma of human stench, the little shit can make do with kool-aid for all i care until we're in a happier place.

P-I-N-K P-I-M-P

i'm back again; i know y'all missed me.

so, we just took a 2-week tour of the midwest. there's some birthday party nonsense to attend to for the twits before i blog about it, tho. in the meantime, here's this:



oh, by the way, i hear the geico cavemen are getting their own sitcom. somebody shoot me now.